So maybe I need to be very careful what I pray for

I am trapped and cannot escape.

My eyes are weak from crying.

Lord, I have prayed to you every day;

    I have lifted my hands in prayer to you. 

LORD, I have called out to you for help;

    every morning I pray to you.

Lord, why do you reject me?

    Why do you hide from me? Psalm 88:9, 13-14

So this has been a crazy past four days.   A sort of weird prophet-like sorrow as in Ezekiel weird, whom no one in their right mind would ever wish for.   Sobbing in Fry’s parking lot because of a way that a bag packer looked at a tired customer.  Remembering a moment or two in the previous night’s movie– of a life-changing pause, a momentary pause on a character’s face. And then Janice’s call to worship. Leaking like a sieve.  Literally as I knelt in church yesterday, tears rained between into my open palms.  And this morning I sifted through some of this month’s prayers, fairly unhappy with today’s Psalm and wondering how it ever made it into the canon– NOTHING uplifting about Psalm 88– and then I got a little message about Billowing Sunrises, and there it was:

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Jesus looked at him and loved him

God standeth in the congregation of the mighty; He judgeth among the gods. How long will ye judge unjustly, and accept the persons of the wicked? Selah.

Defend the poor and fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy. Deliver the poor and needy: rid them out of the hand of the wicked. Psalm 82: 1-2

Dear LORD. In my busyness do not let me overlook those who hold Your heart, rushing past to do the next thing on my list, accepting through complacency.  

May Your Spirit burn through the brittle pricker weeds around my heart, sweep away the cloudy vision, shine brightly on the path I should take.  

No need to be so confused, By all the fires you have to walk through

They're breaking you, and making you, And building you to be

Soft enough to love the least of these, Even me.

May this love fill my perspective and understanding, my creativity and daydreams, my longings and my passion.

Give me a tender heart, even if it aches.