There he came to a cave and lodged in it. And behold, the word of the Lord came to him, and He said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” He said, “I have been very jealous for the Lord, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, thrown down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.” And He said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” 1 Kings 19: 9-13
From all that I said about our worried, overfilled lives, it is clear that we are usually surrounded by so much outer noise that is is hard to truly hear our God when He is speaking to us. He have often become deaf, unable to know when God calls us and unable to understand in which direction he calls us.
Thus our lives have become absurd. It the world absurd we find the Latin word surdus, which means “deaf.” A spiritual life requires discipline because we need to learn to listen to God, who constantly speaks but whom we seldom hear.
When, however, we learn to listen, our lives become obedient lives. The obedient comes from the Latin word audire, which means “listening.” A spiritual discipline is necessary in order to move slowly from an absurd to an obedient life, from a life filled with noisy worries to a life in which there s some free inner space where we can listen to our God and follow His guidance.
Jesus’ life was a life of obedience. He was always listening to the Father, always attentive to His voice, always alert for His direction. Jesus was “all ear.” That is true prayer: being all ear for God. The core of all prayer is indeed listening, obediently standing in the presence of God. -Henri J. M. Nouwen, Making All Things New
So I am in this cool little, well, I was told it that it was a book club, but really... a lot of the times, the book is something like James. And it is with a few other women who are the thoughtful and open and pushing each other further in and farther up and it is something to look forward to every other Monday night. We just finished working through Heather’s Listening Prayer study, and now we are headed into the world of Devotional Classics edited by Richard Foster.
And I have a very nice story about listening and obedience and how it all fits together. In real life.
So my little hobby, as everyone knows, is messing with other people’s Curriculum Vitae and scholarship applications and cover letters and letters of recommendation and that sort of thing. Wali will stop by in the afternoon for a bowl of anything and a little polishing of a 250 words or less “Why I believe in education.” Or a recommendation for Joella so she can study in Ireland. Or Matteo for Sweden. It’s almost as much fun as going myself. And Marco, who is getting his Master’s in International Development in Beijing and is sending off resumés to UNICEF and Doctors Without Borders, also needs to do practical things like... eat, so he is doing odd jobs like modeling backpacks for magazines and strutting in urban art shows. And in the middle of a long back-and-forth exchange of how to wrap a life of running youth camps and small Peruvian villages up with a bow for the corporate world, I got this email:
Today I went for a job interview, English teacher in primary and middle school, and almost immediately the director told me I was going to have a demonstration of my work in 15 minutes, with a real entire class of real Chinese eight-years-old kids. I literally panicked, starting sweating, and not knowing what to do at all. I felt inadequate and wrong and lost and miserable, I just want to be a model, make money... but the moment I stepped into the classroom, I just felt totally at home, the entire class had so much fun, and I did it too, I am very thanksful.
A couple of days later, there was a Skype call... I just got a job offer and I would get to travel, all expenses covered and get paid 500 euros for three days’ work.
Wow, great.
But. The job is spreading expensive cream on the faces of rich ladies.
Um, well someone has to do it.
But. This goes against everything I have lived for. At what point do I draw the line?
It’s only three days.
And these are rich ladies; it’s not like I am hurting poor people. And it must work, or they wouldn’t spend so much time doing it. But.
Suddenly the lightbulb in my dim head went on. Oh. Marco, if you have any hesitation about doing this, don’t do it. I think the most important thing in life is learning to recognize the still quiet voice of God and to immediately obey it.
I will think about it. Click.
So the next day I chatted, tacked onto yet another resumé, So what did you decide to do?
I am going to ktv, no job
=)
And then today, as I sat here at the dining room table with my cup of coffee and I Kings and Henri Nouwen, I got one more email: Funny and ironic enough I got interviewed and started working as a teacher this past Monday. I may have been doing aesthetic whitening treatment to Chinese ladies instead.
And thus dear LORD, may I step into a deeper understanding of obedience which really means listening. Slowly and silently may I pause long enough to hear Your voice. For You are faithful and good.
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