Just two little movies and three books and I get to pick them out before we go to sleep.

Praise the LORD from the earth : you sea monsters and all deeps;

fire and hail, snow and fog : tempestuous wind, doing His will;

mountains and all hills : fruit trees and all cedars;

wild beasts and all cattle : creeping things and winged birds;

kings of the earth and all people : princes and all rulers of the world;

young men and maidens : old and young together.

Let them praise the name of the LORD :

for His name only is exalted,

His splendor is over earth and heaven.

Worship the LORD : praise Your God. –Psalm 148:7-13

Everette wasn’t feeling so well last night so we had a fairly chill sleepover.

First things first. We always go outside and feed the two goldfish in the big backyard tank. And the turtle we have never seen but have been told lurks in the dark depths.

And speaking of the depths thing, after E set up the most secret surprise bed in the middle of the living room we watched “just one little movie” about the Wild Kratts brothers exploring the very bottom of the sea in search of as yet undiscovered sea creatures huddled around volcanic cracks and the boys having a big run in with a giant squid sea monster. And it was a little scary but everyone is brave and smart and happy in the end.

And what about reading Bartholomew and the Oobleck and King Derwin of Didd who found out that sun and rain and snow and fog is exactly right? And that he was wrong, and when we are wrong, we say, “I am sorry.”

Then E wanted to go back outside and stand under the jasmine bush and look at the glowing sky and and the almost sunset and the Catalina mountains all golden and shimmery because it was so beautiful. So we did. While eating blackberries.

Then we made Stone Soup. We found a perfectly smooth stone and took it inside and scrubbed it all clean and put it in a pot of water to simmer. Then, because E is “good with sharp knives” we scrubbed the still-dirt-clung carrots from the Farmers’ Market, and she neatly cut them into nice bite-sizes and added them to the pot. And we picked a few basil leaves and added them. Then we kind of cheated because E insisted on beef just like the soldier and the only beef Mimi had was in a can of Progresso Minestrone, so we added that but no pasta because the soldier didn’t add pasta and it was all pretty delicious. And after we wrote a love letter to mommy and daddy, we curled up on the secret bed, but we didn’t need any blankets because E’s fever was raging crazy hot.

And we watched the Wild Kratts brothers explore South Africa and find The Big Five and The Small Five, and the wild beasts and creeping things are so amazingly cool.

Then we read Curious George Flies a Kite. And it is a little scary and a little naughty to be so curious but God’s world is so interesting and it’s really fun to figure things out like how to catch a runaway bunny and how to catch a fish. Because we learned a long time ago from Daniel Tiger that you can Take a Step Back and Ask for Help. And the Man with the Yellow Hat is always ready to help. But flying in a helicopter could be a little scary.

Then we found out that Princesses Are Not Perfect, but that is okay.

And we prayed for momma and daddy and Simóncita and snuggled off to sleep so fast and happy because God and His Love for His world are all around us. Then Mimi blew out the special Joy candle from Elizabeth, and she snuggled off to sleep as well.

Let them praise the name of the LORD :

for His name only is exalted,

His splendor is over earth and heaven.

Worship the LORD : praise Your God.

Every breath I take, I breathe in You.

We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May Your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You. Psalm 33:20–22

To repine at disappointments does not mend the matter: it is only to grumble at our Creator. But to see the hand of God in them, with a humble submission to His will, is the way to turn our water into wine and engage the greatest love and mercy on our side.

We must needs disorder ourselves if we look only at our losses; let our murmurs turn into thankfulness.

Nor can we fall below the arms of God, how low soever it be we fall.

For though our Saviour’s passion is over, His compassion is not. That never fails His humble, sincere disciples. In Him they find more than all that they lose in the world. –William Penn

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His mercy endures forever. Psalm 118:29

One of my kiddos is really struggling with stuff at home. It’s pretty rough. And it sure isn’t fair. And it shadows so much of her thinking. But. But.

So I showed her my lists and lists of gifts, and nowshe is rocking the eucharisto thing:

Beanbag chairs

Babysitting kids

Harry Potter

Taking off your flip flops when you step on the beach

Necklaces

To do lists

Romeo and Juliet

Writers circle

Cooking random things

My neighbor's puppy rolling in his flowers

My neighbor's Flowers (even though my allergies are bad)

Henna art

Nail art

Chalk

Washi tape

Rainbows without rain

The mountains in the morning

Being the first to wake up at my house (its like I have dibs on seeing the morning!)

Paint

The ocean

My older brothers

Stars

Really full moons

Frozen yogurt with my three cousins

My littlest cousin who calls me " big sissy"

Last night I went back to Desert to watch a crazy silly play put on by my kiddos of three years ago, who still hold my heart in their smiles. They are amazing.

And I hugged one girl close, one who is also shadowed by disappointments.

How are you?

Breathing.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Every breath I take, I breathe in You.

Every move I make, I make in You
You make me move, Jesus
Every breath I take, I breathe in You
Every step I take, I take in You
You are my way, Jesus
Every breath I take, I breathe in You.

Waves of mercy, waves of grace
Everywhere I look, I see Your face
Your love has captured me
Oh my God this love
How can it be?

Wow. The joy unbridled.

Sweet dusty memories,

Every spring break for eleven spring breaks,

Waving in the Mexicali dust,

Crowds of us waving,

Hands shading our eyes,

Looking for His face,

Pointing our fingers upward,

And crossing our arms over our heart to remind ourselves:

Your love has captured me,

Oh my God, this love

How can it be?

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His mercy endures forever.

And then there was light.

March 28, 2017

Then, speaking to all, He said, ‘If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let him renounce himself and take up his cross everyday and follow me.’ Luke 9:23

O LORD, I cry to You for help; in the morning my prayer comes before You. Psalm 88:14

Simon Peter answered Him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. John 6:68

Welp. Yesterday was a stinking awful day.

But really, His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness. Really.

And every day I can sort of glower at that ol’ cross, waiting to be taken up. The same way that us swimmers hesitate every morning before we plunge into Hillenbrand pool.

But what are the options?

To whom shall I go?

This morning I stepped outside and breathed in deeply. It rained last night, just as the rumbling mountains had promised. I stood under the damp jasmine blossoms dripping sweet fragrance and stared at the sky and her twinkling hosts. And breathed in deeply. 

Your mercies are new, new every morning. Your mercies are new, new every morning.

You spoke into darkness, and then there was light.

Your mercies are new, new every morning. Your mercies are new, new every morning.

It doesn’t mean that today will be simple.

I still have to face the consequences of leaving a girl in the open-doored classroom yesterday to finish up her raw egg parachute while I watched Scene I from Romeo and Juliet, and she decided to use the scissors on her wrist rather than for cutting plastic bags.

Somehow I am going to have to find time to write sub lessons so I can judge the Southern Arizona Science and Engineering Fair.

And all of those argumentative essays and character analyses and lab journals to grade and post. On to genetics and the Bill of Rights.

And upheaval smolders all around. Mt. Etna has been making the news of late, and I so remember her sooty darkness that sifted down from the sky that prevented me from even seeing the hand in front of my face.

In my darkest hour

In humiliation

I will wait for You

I am not forsaken

Oh, I lose my life,

Oh, my breath be taken

I will wait for You

I am not forsaken

One thing I desire

To see You in Your beauty

You are my beauty

Yeah, You are my only. –Audrey Assad

To whom else shall I go?

March 29, 2017

The Refrain

I was pressed so hard that I almost fell, but the LORD came to my help.

Return, O my soul, to your rest;
    for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.

Thank you Lord for the lovingkindness poured down overflowing all day around my head.

You are good. You are so good. You are so good to me.

You sweep us away like a dream.

The Refrain

Be still, then, and know that I am God.

I will be exalted among the nations.

I will be exalted in the earth.

For a thousand years in Your sight are like yesterday when it is past and like a watch in the night. Psalm 90:5

There is no need to set an alarm. I wake up in the stillness like clockwork. I have been doing this early morning gig ever since I starting trying to beat little three-year-old Anita to the punch. Finally I just started sending her off with Cindy to milk goats so I could have a few moments. To sort through which day it is and what the plans might be. And my list of beloved souls. One by one to lay each plan, each hope, each child of God before the feet of the LORD God Almighty.

And each day pounds itself out five minutes at a time. I can do anything for another five minutes, I whisper to myself. 

In the evening it is dried up and withered.

Be still, then, and know that I am God.

Actually Nicol’s first word was chivo as well. And I would send my not-quite-toddling child off with the neighborhood kids to play with the baby goats while Mencho and I did the neighborhood prayer walk from the stillness of our living room table.

And each day pounds itself out five minutes at a time. I can do anything for another five minutes, I whisper to myself. 

In the evening it is dried up and withered.

Be still, then, and know that I am God.

Little Andreita was glued to the loving hip of Hernando as he spread his kindness throughout the old ranch house. I still have all of those tattered prayer journals, somewhere.

Where oh where have the years gone? 

And each day pounds itself out five minutes at a time. I can do anything for another five minutes, I whisper to myself. 

In the evening it is dried up and withered.

Be still, then, and know that I am God.

Jenny found another amazing gift for me again at the downtown Artisans’ Street Fair.

In the lower right-hand corner kneels a woman in prayer, still and at peace.

And before her lies the seemingly arduous pilgrimage, up, up to high places. Lots of steep staircases. A few green pastures of gentle rest. But even more dark tunnels with no light at the end of them.

Yet at every bend an angel stands. Ministering Spirits. On watch. Alert. Strong and able to comfort and protect this little wandering sheep.

And this morning I knelt into today’s true perspective, and how indeed the days fade away into nothingness, the smashing crashing days whose ripples settle into a quiet blur, a dream that can’t quite be caught.

Be still, then, and know that I am God.

I will be exalted among the nations.

I will be exalted in the earth.