Soft is stronger then hard, water is stronger then rocks.

Let my mouth be full of Your praise and Your glory all the day long. Psalm 71:8

Ultimately having his nets broken and his boat flooded with water were nothing compared to witnessing this miraculous catch of fish, to having his Savior revealed before his very eyes.  “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!”

There is no such thing as too much love, too much patience, too much prayer, too much forgiveness, nor too many sons and daughters returning to The Father,.  Although my earthly body, earthly home and earthly perspectives may not hold up very well, although I can hear that high pitched creaking of ropes stretching under too much tension – the words of Jesus are the same:  Follow Me. –Kirsten Phillips

It’s not about me and my expertly and carefully crafted nets.

Repent. Re-see. And follow Him.

Your praise and Your glory.

And may I be soft.

Water, not a brittle rock.

All day long.

And on another happy note, I am getting really good at solving algebraic equations.

Let my mouth be full of Your praise and Your glory all the day long. Psalm 71:8

In the messy, Jesus whispers, “What do you want?” and in the ugly, I want to cry out, “I want to see–see You in these faces.” He speaks soft, “Seek My face.” I want to answer with David, “My heart says to You, Your face, LORD, Your face do I seek,” but I am desperate to grab someone, anyone, and shake hard, ”How do I have the holy vision in this mess? How do I see grace, give thanks, find joy In this sin-stinking place?” –Ann Voskamp

You would be very ashamed if you knew what the experiences you call setbacks, upheavals, pointless disturbances, and tedious annoyances really are. You would realize that your complaints about them are nothing more nor less than blasphemies­‑though that ever occurs to you. Nothing happens to you except by the will of God, and yet (God’s) beloved children curse it because they do not know it for what it is. -Jean-Pierre de Caussade

A blasphemer.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:11

And my verse for today’s fixed prayers: Be still, then, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth.  Psalm 46:11

And my prayer for myself on Wednesdays has more profundity somehow today: May I not lean on my own strength and understanding, but in all my ways may I acknowledge you and have a heart of thanksgiving and be filled with Your wisdom and grace.  And may I live in the joy of the Holy Spirit.

And that joy of the Holy Spirit carried me under His wing all tumultuous day long.  Through some very dark stuff and a few shining celebrations. A veritable shield of faith turning away every flaming single dart of the Enemy. And I am quite sure that this shield of faith is being wielded not by me, but by my prayer warriors who are standing in battle with me, even as my knees are buckling under the onslaught.

And Nicole is leading the singles group at her church tonight through the Lord’s Prayer. And what does it mean for Him not to lead us into temptation? Why do we have to ask that of our loving Father? So I turned to my friend Mr. Google with my question this morning and found lots of insight. John Chrysostom teaches that this petition encourages us to be prepared for anything and everything, “suffering of the body, illnesses of the soul, the plotting of others, the uprising of enemies, the guile of false friends, hunger, torment, mistreatment, legions of demons, and the frenzy of the devil.”

Yes, deliver me, O God.

I know that frenzy first hand.

And when I slid into my car this dark morning, Audrey Assad once again greeted me, and I joined her in this prayer:

From the love of my own comfort
From the fear of having nothing
From a life of worldly passions
Deliver me O God

From the need to be understood
From the need to be accepted
From the fear of being lonely
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God

And I shall not want, I shall not want

when I taste Your goodness I shall not want
when I taste Your goodness I shall not want

From the fear of serving others
From the fear of death or trial
From the fear of humility
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God

So every day is chock full of the ugly beautiful that both Ann Voskamp and the impressionist painter, Paul Gauguin, encapsulated as, “Le laid peut-etre beau…” Right now the kids are getting yelled at again. With words like crap and exasperation. And I have difficulty making eye contact with all of those student eyes in their general sense of powerlessness and hopelessness. What does anything matter?

But Ann encourages me: Because, somewhere, underneath the grime of this broken world, everything has the radiant fingerprints of God on it. With Jesus eyes, we have the astonishing opportunity to daily love the unlovely into loveliness.

And during one of my parent teacher conferences the momma with pink and purple hair wept a lot. Life is pretty hard. But she said that the little haphazard note I wrote to her child for Christmas about how much joy it brought me when his eyes lit up with the answer, well, her child has posted the note on the refrigerator and reads it out loud to every single visitor. And another kid raised his hand yesterday during the discussion, the kid whose mom just got out of prison and makes all kinds of bad choices all day long, and said that even though he had three F’s last quarter he was feeling optimistic because he and Miss had a good plan in place for this semester. And I showed the guy who has scrawled hate and death onto his forearm with black marker how to use the free version of Sketch Up and his “student desk of the future” looks so cool that it is getting posted on the school website and he has worked on it two straight class periods, rocking his head back and forth to Slipknot, his favorite band.

I shall not want.

Grateful for the startling graces of God today.

The ugly beautiful.

Following the yellow arrows of His Presence.

Let my mouth be full of Your praise and Your glory all the day long. Psalm 71:8

“Now therefore, I pray You, if I have found favor in Your sight, let me know Your ways that I may know You, so that I may find favor in Your sight.” And He said, “My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest.” Then he said to Him, “If Your presence does not go with us, do not lead us up from here.” Exodus 33: 14-15

Grant, O Lord, that the course of this world may be peaceably governed by Your providence; and that Your Church may joyfully serve you in confidence and serenity; through Jesus Christ our Lord who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen. 

I woke up with the fret list spinning full bore.

School’s out.  School’s out for summer.

And my life is full of curves in the road that I cannot see beyond at all. Not even pretend.

But I can pedal for the next five minutes.

• Call the travel insurance company and straighten out the coverage dates.
• Download the GPS for the easy Camino del Norte by bicycle. Others have gone before me.
• Empty the dishwasher.
• Put away the outside cushions from last night’s ribs, bread and coffee and pecan pie under the stars.
• Take Jincheng to the airport. Two and a half years like that. He was wearing the Arizona Diamondbqcks hat that Wali gave him.
• Put his sheets and towels and dirty socks in the washer.

But most of all, His word is a light unto my path. Let me choose Your praise and Your glory all day long.

And this prayer is in my heart: May I joyfully serve You in confidence and serenity.

And there is nothing about the world being announced by early morning NPR that seems peaceably governed by His providence.

But the thing about google.maps is perspective. And as I finger in closer and closer it is easy to see the bumps and roundabouts and one way only signs…but tapping backwards into the big view, the vista turns green and calm and governed.

All things considered. That’s what the announcer said.

All things. Not just what I can see with my very small vision.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Let my mouth be full of Your praise and Your glory all the day long.

One arrow at a time.

Basta, once again.

Let my mouth be full of Your praise and Your glory all the day long. Psalm 71:8

So I am so done. Analyzing. Remembering. Murmuring. Fretting.

Let my mouth be full of Your praise.  And Your glory. And nuthin’ else, all day long.