You know that pain you are in? Stand back and you will be amazed.

So I awoke, restless, as always at four.

And holding my small cup of boiled coffee, I turned to the last section of Till We Have Faces, and many hands came from behind me and tore off the veil–after it, every rag I had on.

The old crone with her Ungit face stood naked before those countless gazers. No thread to cover me, no bowl in my hand for the water of death, only my book.

And I closed the pages at the last word and stared at the silence.

And wondered at the peace.

When the red-lit clock radio clicked on in all of its fuzzy glory.

 Take it all take it all

All to Jesus I surrender, I surrender all

• • •

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

And whoever read this story before me highlighted one section in florescent green, the heart of the matter: When the time comes to you at which you will be forced at last to utter the speech which has lain at the center of your soul for years, which you have, all that time, idiot-like, been saying over and over, you’ll not talk about the joy of words. I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?

And rest has such a different sound now.

The sounds of silence.

The snare is broken, and we have escaped.

Selah.

Prayers granted from the foundation of the earth

My heart is firmly fixed, O God, my heart is fixed; I will sing and make melody. Psalm 57:7

The cross is God’s way of saying, “I know what it is like.”

The execution stake is the creator of the universe saying, “I know how you feel.”'

The cross is God’s way of taking away all of our accusations, excuses, and arguments.

It’s the place we find out we’re not alone, where we find strength to go on. Not a strength that comes from within ourselves but a strength that comes from God. The God who keeps going. Who keeps offering. Who keeps loving. Who keeps risking. Rob Bell, Sex God

Well, the nice thing about the non-hurricane hitting Tucson is that I have oogles of empty time since the entire city stacked up its sandbags and screwed in their metaphorical plywood windows and waited. So I have read Rob Bell’s Sex God twice in the past twenty-four hours. And who knows, maybe I will read it again. It is at last raining, and I am sitting on my little couch watching pretty steady stream outside the window.

And I have been doing a lot of Everette time during this non-hurricane, and the Sixth Avenue house is full of amazingly wonderful books to borrow.

And Heather read Sex God with her high school mentee a couple of years ago even though it wasn’t on the official reading list. And that was positively brilliant. Because Bell does a great job of explaining what the big deal is all about. 

In the first chapter of Genesis, when God creates the first people, he blesses them. This is significant. God’s blessing is the peace of God resting on people. The story begins with humans in right relationship–in healthy, life-giving connection–with their maker. All of their other relationships flow from the health of this one central relationship–people and God. They’re connected with the earth, with each other. They are naked and feel no shame.

And then everything goes south.

They choose another way.

And they become disconnected. 

And Sex God blends in an odd blurry way with Till We Have Faces by C. S. Lewis, which I am also reading, and the complaint that Maia prepares to read before the gods is echoed in Bell: I looked at the roll in my hand and saw at once that it was not the book I had written. It couldn’t be; it was far too small. And too old–a little, shabby, crumpled thing, nothing like my great book that I had worked on all day, day after day, while Bardia was dying. Lewis

She was angry and bitter and shook her fist at the sky and said, “God you don’t know what it’s like! You don’t understand!”

And The execution stake is the creator of the universe saying, “I know how you feel.” Bell

Joy silenced me.

I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You yourself are the answer. Lewis

For light is capable of “showing up” everything for what it really is. It is even possible for light to turn the thing it shines upon into light also, Thus God speaks through the scriptures: Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, And Christ shall shine upon you. Ephesians 5:13-14

And the blue sky above is now pushing its way to the forefront.

Selah.