too fast in the wrong direction

One gives freely, yet grows all the richer;
    another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want.
Whoever brings blessing will be enriched,
    and one who waters will himself be watered. Proverbs 11:24-25

So there have been a lot of frantic texts last night and this morning asking for a money order to be sent immediately. And I responded with what I thought was warm wise grace offering options and ideas and reason. 

But. I who know better, again and again, had yet another ah ha moment. Why not ask God? Pause. Listen. What a concept. Once again.

And the Spirit drove me to Chris’s blog: The Shipwrecked Pilgrim. 

I have come to realize that the restlessness is actually there Holy Spirit letting me know that I have allowed to much in, too much clutter in my heart and mind and soul - the restlessness I feel in my quiet moments are a warning as well as an invitation... an invitation to stillness and rest and fullness and peace and eventually work that is empowered by the Spirit.

So today - stop long enough to feel the restlessness and the invitation. It is only when we hit the brakes and lunge forward that we notice how fast we are going and often how far away we have gotten.

I have been the Checklist Queen this last week. My grades are in, my bags are packed, I am ready to go. I took Alan’s bike out for a practice spin this morning. I found the Nikon COOLPIX S210 8.0 digital camera for Matteo’s cousin at the fourth thrift store on Speedway yesterday afternoon. I am even working on my second summer book on the second day of summer vacation. Check check check. 

Clutter.

But stillness and rest?

Ah.

Flip back to that wisdom stuff I am working on. And of course. Ask and you will receive.

Gives freely. No restrictions. No clauses in fine print.  No judgment calls.

Gives freely.

And to Whom am I giving? To Him who withholds no good thing. So that I may be a child of my Father who is in heaven. For He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

And sometimes  I fuss a little at Alan as the water splashes down and around the pots and trees and baskets and garden beds and pools in the grassy sections. Especially once a month when Tucson Waters asks me to settle accounts.

But man, is it beautiful. The flowers cascading off of the Ray-inspired stage, the baskets of sweet peaches. The veritable forest of red and orange-stemmed kale. The jasmine twisting around the metal arch.

Well-watered. I am indeed well-watered.

Old Nicole is posting maps on Facebook for everyone to see.

And this give and it shall be given unto you verse, the shared life verse that is not so much about stuff or time, but about mercy. Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned.

Pause.

Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.

I texted back: What can I do to help?

Come on in the door is unlocked

 I will freely sacrifice unto Thee: I will praise Thy name, O Lord; for it is good. Psalm 54:6

One could poke and pry at the idea of a good name on many levels, but one level is the, “Hey you can trust that guy, no matter what.  Doesn’t even really need a firm grandpa-handshake, his name is good.”

And while it is straight up right to praise His name, because it is good, there is another side to the story.  The freely sacrifice bit, because His shovel is a lot bigger than my teaspoon.  And last night I was reminded of His promise of It shall be given to you, heaping and overflowing into your lap.

So I started daydreaming yesterday, as I leaned into the computer screen mid-afternoon, almost to sort of prop myself up.  All those Spelling Bees and Math Olympics and Creative Writings and the Administrators and Board program and straightening up the head of accredited schools email list so that I could send out some advertising helps before the end of the day started to fuzz a bit and I started fondling my little daydream.  Of an afternoon nap.  Thinking through how I was going to fit it in with Grandpa and not having any food in the house for dinner and wanting to visit with Jack and Mary Anne because I had been out of town for four days accrediting a school and then, well, last night was penciled in the gathering together of so many very cool devotionals into some sort of cohesiveness and then pop the February 1 PDF off to the church secretary after one more editing read through after swimming this morning.  That was the plan.  

And Gio had taught Jinsheng how to make a fire the day before which is very important, so Jinsheng built his first fire in a fireplace ever and I sliced all of my food in the house, which happened to be a spaghetti squash, in half, dashed it with olive oil and set it in the oven and slid so very deep into the sofa cushions. Down, down, and out.  

Bam, bam, bam on the knocker.  Like no one ever knocks.  

Go away.

Bam, bam.  

And there at the door was my very invited dinner guest and his friend and two bottles of wine, one red and one white because he didn’t know what I was serving and neither did I, and a box of chocolate bon bons, fresh from overseeing the entire western half of South Sudan village health initiatives, here for three days in Tucson.  

And somehow there were a few more snippets of beets to chop and there is always an onion or two and what a lovely evening it was, with visions of early morning rides across the flat expanses and tales of base camp treks in Napal and who is your favorite soccer player and whatever-happened-to questions and perfect popcorn and Alan reading White With Two Sugars (Please) to a poet readying himself for Machu Picchu and of course there was the Voice of God in the corn fields of the Dominican Republic and Giovanni bringing in more firewood to stoke the fire and bringing out the tea basket and Igor’s teapot, and yes, His name is Good.  

Somewhere in the late evening, before it swung into early morning, He swept in with eagle’s wings and lifted me past the other side of weariness.  

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings, 

Bear you on the breath of dawn, 

Make you to shine like the sun, 

And hold you in the palm of His Hand.

And all of the seven hours of stories, even the one of celebrating Christmas Day with an off-the-charts case of malaria that required a intramuscular quinine treatment in Nairobi or the handfuls-of-Castor-beans story, and certainly the Danielito the wood chopper story, are reminders that no gift is really a sacrifice because His name is good: good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.

I will praise Thy name, O Lord.