The LORD will make
good His purpose for me; O LORD, Your love endures for ever; do not abandon the
works of Your hands. Psalm 138
Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to Your Name give glory;
because of Your love and because of Your faithfulness. Psalm 115:1
Yet the fact remains that we are invited to forget ourselves
on purpose, cast our awful solemnity to the winds and join in the general
dance. -Thomas Merton
So the older I get, the rougher it is to meet my
standard of learning all of those kiddos’ names the first day. Part of it is
that of course my hippocampus connections are just not as perky as they used to
be, but also there is the other problem, that I have filled my brain shelves
with so many names and faces and mostly the soul-wrenching images of eyes looking
back at me, overflowing shoeboxes of them, so every time I stare Zack in the
face, my mouth calls him “Eric,” because of another off-the-charts-clever-boy
who also did not like to stay in his seat. So sometimes the little memory trick
of association messes with the task at hand.
And that
very first day one of my students had a very convenient name that I was able to
immediately associate with her very loud and dramatic and aggressive self. No
problem. I never ever forget it. And she is always late. And perhaps a cloud of
weedy perfume trails along behind her, because that is the family business,
running one of those medical marijuana shops. Except I think it is her foster
family business. And she is as smart-as-a-whip but is always dragging
not-so-cognizant students down her bunny trails and then they get lost in the
woods and never seem to find their way back to the task at hand.
And there I was, just a few feet away from her,
because of course she is sitting front and center so I can give her the stern
look, shooting her hand way up high so we both know I see it. And really what I
want is for everyone to begin working on the dry ice investigation lab procedures.
That is what I really wanted to happen when I asked, “Are there any questions?”
And her question could be quite helpful and
penetrating. Or it could be a plaintive complaint about the bathrooms being out
of order once again. Or the ever popular, “Miss, what are we supposed to do? You
never know.
So I called on her.
And she announced in her bullhorn blare, ”You
don’t have to do this, do you, Mrs. Voelkel? I mean you could be doing any job
in the world; you could do anything. You don’t have to be teaching us do you?
I just
want to tell you that I appreciate that you are making me learn. Thank you.”
So I am packing off to Food City once again this
morning. And I have my shopping list for Gatorade and canola oil and rubbing
alcohol and Mentos and Sprite and lots and lots of dry ice.
And I have a sheaf of essays that show that the
whole idea of citing sources is still as foggy as that mist pouring out of a bubbling
graduated cylinder. But I have a whole year of again and again.
But I did dump the backpack of ahem, “Eric”
upside down yesterday on a table and shake it several times and then we sorted
through every single sheet of paper that literally has been crumpled up in his
fist and shoved to the bowels of the bag since the beginning of school. And we
pulled out his as-yet-unused brand new plastic folders that his grampa bought
him since before the beginning of school and who know how long it will stick.
And "literally" is the word of the year, and I hear it a jillion times a day.
And Facebook reminded me that this battle is
shared in classrooms across the world. Life is not for cowards.
And as I pulled into the parking lot, bright red claws ripped
at the sky. Sailors take warning.
Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to Your Name give glory.
Amen.
