I am willing.

Satisfy us by your loving-kindness in the morning; so shall we rejoice and be glad all the days of our life.

Five years ago I came to believe in Christ’s teaching, and my life suddenly changed...and suddenly I heard the words of Christ and understood them, and instead of despair I experienced happiness and the joy of life. –Count Leo Tolstoy

Romans 12:2 says that we "are transformed by the renewal of the mind.”

The word repentance in the Greek, the word metanoia, literally means "change mind.”

One of the major keys to every issue in my life was it needed me to repent. It needed me to stop looking at the situation from my perspective and start looking at it from God's. -Phil Drysdale

I am rereading Phil Drysdale’s Renewing Your Mind. He tackles Romans in a way that rings true with my soul and now Romans is a glorious declaration of freedom rather than my childhood perception of finger-waggling by a crabby old man. It is a celebration of the cross’s power. We are dead to sin and alive in Christ. The struggle is over.

It is finished. This is what is true.

Dear Father in heaven, grant Your Spirit to us, Your children. May something from You be revealed on earth so that divine strength and divine truth, not what is only human, are with us in all we do. Keep courage alive in our hearts even when things look dark. May powers of peace and healing be revealed through us because You are near and Your kingdom is all around us. You can do all things, also things beyond our understanding. With Your help we do what we are able, but we cannot do what You do. We trust in You, and we believe that through Your power and Your Spirit You will take possession of our whole lives and the lives of the many who sigh in their hearts for absolute truth. Amen.

And as I drove back and forth this morning, I changed the words to the song: My mind is Yours, my mind is Yours, for the making. Oh LORD.

The disciples asked Jesus, ‘Increase our faith.’ The Lord replied, ‘If you had faith like a mustard seed you could say to this mulberry tree, “Be uprooted and planted in the sea,” and it would obey you.’

Lord, increase our faith.

Take possession of my whole life. My heart. My soul. And my mind.

My heart is yours, again.

Open my eyes, that I may see. Psalm 119:18

As he was returning to the city in the early morning, he felt hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it and found nothing on it but leaves. And he said to it ‘May you never bear fruit again,’ and instantly the fig tree withered. The disciples were amazed when they saw it and said, ‘How is it that the fig tree withered instantly?’ Jesus answered, ‘In truth I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt at all, not only will you do what I have done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, “Be pulled up and thrown into the sea,” it will be done. And if you have faith, everything you ask for in prayer, you will receive.’ Matthew 21:18-22

O God, who of Thy love and pity didst send us Jesus Christ for the illumination of our darkness, give me wisdom to profit by the words He spoke and grace to follow in the steps He trod.

Jesus Christ said, Where ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any.

            O God, give me grace now so to do.

Jesus Christ said, Judge not.

            O God, give me grace this day first to cast out the beam out of my own eye, before I regard the mote that is in my brother’s eye.

For Thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen. –John Baillie

And I sat here in the quiet long and hard this morning, staring at the Word of the day: And if you have faith, everything you ask for in prayer, you will receive.

And I was reminded of Solomon, to whom God appeared in a dream, and said, Ask for anything you want, and it will be given you.

Jesus very clearly says, Anything, as did His Father before Him.

And my mind wandered around the proverbial candy store, examining all of the brightly coloured jars and bins. Like yesterday, when one of the kiddos raised her hand and asked, Miss, if you weren’t teaching us, and you could do anything in the world, what would you do?

And I was reminded of Marco’s question, Why are you making this pilgrimage?

And I was reminded of the answer I whispered as I sat in the meadow under the trees and blue skies of Assisi this summer. The answer that is now imbedded in my screensaver: And what do you desire? Christ asks. “Lord, I desire your Heart.” Christ then reached into the depths and, removing her heart, replaced it with His own, at the same time hiding her heart within His breast.

John Baillie has a long list of details of what this heart, in grace, does, since we act out of our heart, the wellspring of life. Just as water reflects the face, so the heart reflects the person.

And once again, I know that my desire, my one request, is to live free and easy under His light burden. Heaping and overflowing, poured out into my lap.

Nothing else.

Most highest, glorious God

Cast Your light into the darkness of my heart

Give me right faith, firm hope, perfect charity, and profound humility

With wisdom and perception

O Lord, so that I may do what is truly your holy will. –St. Francis, The Cross of San Damiano

It will be done.

And because Thursday is my Everette day, CityPsalms was already cranking away as I drove back and forth up and down Broadway because E always wants to listen to Uncle Cameron. And we both are really loud and pound on our chests when we sing the chorus My Heart is Yours to “Let Your Kingdom Come in my own Heart First.”

And last night we took out all of Nicole’s crèches and set them up all over the house and put bits of turtle food in front of them to eat since it didn't work to try and make houses out of the little crumbly sticks and all the spice cans came down off the shelves for walls and the Tupperware lids were roofs and the sheep kept running away and hiding and the angels carried the shepherds on their backs to look for them and then Mary invited everyone inside for a big sleepover, even the three visitors from far, far away. And then we read Grandma’s Christmas story over and over and over again by the brightness of twinkly lights on the rosemary bush.

Jesus Christ, the illumination of our darkness, May Your Kingdom Come in my own Heart first.

My heart is yours.

But if that salt has lost its flavor It ain't got much in its favor.

A Request for Presence

Set a watch before my mouth, O LORD, and guard the door of my lips; let not my heart incline to any evil thing. Psalm 141:3

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my Strength and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

Jesus taught us, saying: ‘You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill-top cannot be hidden.’ Matthew 5:14

So Mary Anne was teaching yesterday at Vineyard City Church; The Psalms are our prayerbook and they invite us into the house and the heart of our loving God. And we walked through pretty much the whole book, with song and drama so that the truths would sink in deeply. And that was pretty much the thrust of City Psalms to help us to pray for and serve our city. Psalms are for praying. And “psalms” means “the words accompany instrumental music.” And may these His Psalms accompany my beating heart, singing in my heart all day long, an unceasing prayer to carry through the day. And may the disturbing thoughts that seem to distract us be transformed into the ongoing praise of God. And may I realize that prayer is neither more nor less than the constant practice of the presence of God at all times and in all places.

And yesterday I turned to “Lord Jesus, have mercy on me,” when the meditation of my heart drifted, with the aching, helpless heart of the blind man by the side of the road. Or the Canaanite woman who was at the end of her hope. Tracy reminded me yesterday that the moment we crossed the French border this summer, we rolled our little bicycles straight into a dark, dark long tunnel full of rushing traffic with only the tiniest gleam of light in the far-off distance. And this was her prayer: Lord Jesus, have mercy on me.

And may I live at the end of my hope in me today. May my eyes be fixed on Him, my Strength and my Redeemer, undistracted.

And may my light shine.

Seeing through the broken down trailers with punched-in walls and dingy apartment doors.

Lord Jesus, have mercy on me.

May God be gracious to us and bless us
    and make His face shine on us—
so that Your ways may be known on earth,
    Your salvation among all nations.

Selah.                                                                         Psalm 67:1

The Jesus prayer consist of the simple words: “Lord Jesus, have mercy on me.”

Unceasing prayer is not just the unusual feat of a simple Russian peasant (The Way of the Pilgrim) but a realistic vocation for all Christians. It is certainly not a way of living that comes either automatically by simply desiring it or easily by just praying once in a while. But when we give it serious attention and develop an appropriate discipline, we will see a real transformation in our lives that will lead us closer and closer to God. Unceasing prayer as a permanent and unchangeable state of mind will never be reached. It will always require our attention and discipline. Nevertheless, we will discover that many of the disturbing thoughts that seem to distract us are being transformed into the ongoing praise of God. When we see with increasing clarity the beauty of the Father through His Son, we will discover that created things no longer distract us. On the contrary, they will speak in many ways about Him. Then we will realize that prayer is neither more nor less than the constant practice of the presence of God at all times and in all places. Henri Nouwen, Clowning in Rome

So last night City Psalms played…well, played is certainly not the right word. Maybe blew the proverbial trumpet? Calling the Church to live the gospel. To pray as if we expected answers. To live as if we believe it is true. To see each person in our path with the love of Christ.

And that is the point of it all, so that His ways will be made known on earth, His salvation among all the peoples.

The city, God, You love her so
Her sons abandoned long ago
Her daughters ravaged in the night
While we all turn our backs and hide
Break my heart in two 'til they return to You

The city, God, she hides her face
She breaks Your heart
You give her grace
She curses You in all her shame
But You pursue her all the same
Break my heart in two 'til she returns to You

You love her so

Take my heart, it is Your own
And fill my hands with seeds to sow
Reprimand my foolish pride
So I can see her with Your eyes

Break my heart in two 'til she returns to You

And right now Nicole has a couple of her students over for French toast, strawberries and cappuccino on the back porch. Because one of them asked her to please take her to church. And this little girl lives in a one-room apartment with six brothers and sisters all from different fathers. It’s a little chaotic. And one can only imagine the oooh’s and aaah’s as they look at Alan’s parrots and greenhouse and the sparkle-lit living room before they head off to Passion church to hear about the One Who Loves Her So.

Multiply this by bunches and bunches in our little city where more than half of the students in public schools fall below the poverty line.

While we all turn our backs and hide.

Take my heart, it is Your own
And fill my hands with seeds to sow.

Reprimand my foolish pride
So I can see her with Your eyes.

May I see with increasing clarity the beauty of the Father through His Son.

Lord Jesus, have mercy on me.

Lord Jesus, have mercy on us.

While we all turn our backs and hide

Accept life with humility and patience, making allowances for each other because you love each other. Make it your aim to be at one in the Spirit, and you will inevitably be at peace with one another. You all belong to one body, of which there is one Spirit just as you all experienced one calling to one hope. There is one LORD, one faith, one baptism, one God, one Father of us all, who is the One over all, the One working through all and the One living in all. Ephesians 4:2-6

Break my heart in two until she returns to you. You love her so.

She breaks Your heart, You give her grace,

Take my heart, it is your own, Fill my hands with seeds to sow.

Reprehend my foolish pride So I can see her with Your eyes.  -City Psalms

I remember thirteen years ago, as does the rest of the world, the flaming twin towers. The horror of the smashing airplanes and billowing smoke and crumpling skyscrapers, replayed over and over again. And I remember sweet Charly rushing out of her bedroom door with tears streaming down her face and her voice trembling with rage, ”This is why I don’t believe in a loving God.”

And I guess this is why I do believe in a loving God, because of Charly’s streaming tears and trembling rage. Somewhere, somehow we learned that all of this is terribly wrong. And our hearts, when rightly aligned and tender and how it should be, are broken. Because that is what we have learned from our Abba Father. And He is not the Steinbeck god, and we are not ants. In The Pearl, “The ants were busy on the ground, big black ones with shiny bodies and the little dusty quick ants [and] Kino watched with the detachment of God while a dusty ant frantically tried to escape the sand trap an ant lion had dug for him.”

But sometimes our hearts harden with pride and impatience and fear and we need to return to that holy place, on our knees before the One, the one Father of us all, who is the One over all, the One working through all and the One living in all.  

And sometimes we turn our backs. We cling to our self tales that form bulwark adobe walls around our souls. And on that last day we will ask, “When did we see You hungry?”

And the song He sings to us is

What I want to you know, Is I will always love you.

Even if you feel you walk alone.

When you walk away from my love for you,

I will walk along unknown to you, until you come home.

No need to be so confused by all the fires you walk through,

Because they are breaking you and making you and building you to be

soft enough to love the least of these, even Me.      -Cameron Hood

And today, dear LORD, may I Accept life with humility and patience, because You are my brokenhearted Father, pacing back and forth on the road, squinting into the setting sun, welcoming me to see You, the One over all, the One working through all and the One living in all.