Resting in the quiet of the Benedictine nuns' song

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my strength and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14

By the tender mercies of our God who from on high will bring the rising sun to visit us, to give light to those who live in darkness and the shadow of death, and to guide our feet into the way of peace. Luke 1:78-79

Compassionate tenderness is the heart of our Abba, and thus is our heart, as His children. This is the mark of the life filled by the Spirit, The love of God has been poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit which has been given us.

Brennon Manning: Scripture points to an intimate connection between compassion and forgiveness. According to Jesus, a distinctive sign of Abba’s child in his willingness to forgive our enemies. Love your enemies and do good…and you will be sons of the Most High for He Himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. In the Lord’s Prayer we acknowledge the primary characteristic of Abba’s children when we pray, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Jesus presents His Abba as a model for our forgiveness: the king in Matthew 18 who forgiven a fantastic sum, an unpayable debt, the God who forgives without limit, the meaning of seventy times seven.

…The demands of forgiveness are so daunting that they seem humanly impossible. The exigencies of forgiveness are simply beyond the capacity of ungraced human will. Only reckless confidence in a Source great than ourselves can empower us to forgive the wounds inflicted by others. In boundary moments such as these there is only one place to go–Calvary.

…Stay there for a long time and watch as Abba’s Only-Begotten dies utterly alone in bloody disgrace. Watch as He breathes forgiveness on His torturers at the moment of their greatest cruelty and mercilessness. On that lonely hill outside the city wall of old Jerusalem you will experience the healing power of the dying Lord.

Ah, a long time.

On that Sunday not so long ago, July 15, in fact, the birthday of that nice man who threw away his crutches. On that Sunday, after I made my weary painful ride up the cobblestoned street to the humble parish church, I knelt in the back pew and considered the bloody Only-Begotten in utter aloneness. Gripped by his grace, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

None of us know what we do. We stumble through this world with smeary lenses of self-interest and shallow busyness and intentional distractedness to protect us from the other. Understanding triggers the compassion that makes forgiveness possible.

May we peek over the thick adobe walls piled high to protect us from knowing and being known in all of our brokenness and truly see. Not simply the other, the beloved child of God peeking out from his respective wall, but the One who so tenderly and so unconditionally loves us. Loves me.

Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion and tenderness on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget.

The crucified Christ is not only a heroic example to the church; He is the power and wisdom of God, a living force in His present risenness, transforming our lives and enabling us to extend the hand of reconciliation to our enemies.

And today Lord, may I toss aside my smeared glasses, tossed aside like those now unnecessary crutches which only impede and slow down my bounding into kneeling down gratitude, and see. Seventy times seven.

Dear LORD God of heaven and earth, please reveal Yourself.

…estando convencido precisamente de esto: que El que comenzó en vosotros la buena obra, la perfeccionará hasta el día de Cristo Jesús. Filipenses 1, 6

And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. It is right for me to feel this way about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace. Philippians 1:6-7

And as I work my way through the “Fixed prayers” Word document on my desktop with lots of pauses I wonder. What does this all mean? Because this weekend has been full of heartachy conversations. And I can’t really kiss the boo boo and have it go away, like Everette’s slightly scraped knee and her finely honed pouty face.

And sometimes I am not so sure as ol’ locked-in-prison Paul. But sometimes life calls us to act upon what we want to believe, much like sometimes I chose to act towards that ornery kid with the attitude like I love him and the love clicks into place.

And speaking of love, I am going to choose His love, the light in which I see light.

Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, and Your faithfulness to the clouds. Your righteousness is like the strong mountains, Your justice like the great deep; You save both man and beast, O LORD. How priceless is Your love, O God! Your people take refuge under the shadow of Your wings. They feast upon the abundance of Your house; You give them drink from the river of Your delights. For with You is the well of life, and in Your light we see light. 

And His seventy times seven grace. This is what I share with each of you, you all that I hold in my heart.

So be it.

Supping at His table, not mine

And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. Matthew 18:27

So Alan and I paid off our mortgage for 220 South Country Club Road last month. Or two months ago. Whoopee.  I guess. Because there really has been absolutely no change in anything as far as I can see, except I am sort of vaguely worried that I won’t pay the property tax on time or did our USAA insurance get canceled and anyway the mortgage has been automatically sucked out of our Tucson Federal Credit Union account for so many years that it never seemed very tangible. Just sort of a general weight hanging around that made me feel one with the masses.  And I guess I always tried to figure out how to deduct the interest off of my Federal income taxes, but it never seemed to make much of a difference.

And even as a child the “Behold, I stand at the door and knock” verse always made me uncomfortable.  And it’s only gotten worse, because I am so aware of the large sheafs of peeling paint in the back room and the kinda cute “artwork” Nicole finessed in the guest shower to make light of the fact that you have to turn on the shower with a wrench, and don’t even get me started about the cockroach-infested kitchen. And nice pastors always talk about Jesus going through my cupboards with me and helping me clean things up a bit, and really that makes my stomach tighten into knots because I know that the closet in Jincheng’s room is stuffed to the gills with random stuff like crumpled American Girl dolls and empty picture frames and old prom dresses.  

But that’s not the way it is at all.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.  2 Corinthians 5:20-21  

And He really isn’t coming into my tattered and bedraggled albeit somewhat picturesque home.  Rather I have (past tense) stepped out into His glorious grace, according to the abundance of His steadfast love, because of who He is, not because of me. The old is done and gone. I have been released. 

And rather than the chore of sorting through my old rubbish, trying to decide what is salvageable, and what should be donated to Goodwill, and what should be hauled out immediately to the trash bin with an extended arm and pinched nose, it has been taken care of, totally. By Him.

And the whole thing about this story of the ungrateful servant is that I am not forgiving seventy times seven times with my leaky and spider-webbed and quite honestly, pretty self-centered understanding of paying off debt. Complete with mosquitos swirling, lazily, because they know exactly where their next fat and hapless meal is coming from. 

No. Rather I am joyfully welcoming the world to join me in place of reconciliation. His reconciliation. His mercy. His grace. Abundant and overflowing. The love of Christ which passes knowledge and understanding.

As He has forgiven me my debts. Glory

Wipe the sleep out of my eyes

Thursday

And again He came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were very heavy, and they did not know what to answer Him. Mark 14:40

Cameron sings a song about our God of second chances.  There’s a new book about this God, and the first sentence is this: “The door slammed behind me as I entered the sixth floor of the Duval County jail escorted by guards, hands chained in front of me, and leg shackles making music with every step.”  And of course, there is the Veggie Tales song about Jonah and the Whale and the Green Asparagus Choir ‘s rocking gospel version God of Second Chances.

Little did Peter know that he was laying the groundwork for his restoration when he rather smugly asked Jesus how many times he should forgive his brother, “Seven times?” 

Even now Peter had not relinquished self.  Still dressed in smug remnants, he had said emphatically, “If I must die with you, I will not deny you.”  Smug describes any of us Pharisee types who still pretend that we can pretty much do it, the Law, on our own goodness and smarts.  Sunday’s sermon of a careening snow saucer’s out-of-control wild ride surely described this Thursday night by the blazing bonfire where Peter warmed himself.  Until the second cock’s crow pierced the facade, and he wept bitter tears of understanding.  At last he joined the tax collectors, the Centurion, and the weeping women at the feet of Jesus.  We are not worthy. Maybe he was even remembering His words of caution, But whoever shall deny Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father.

But Jesus was not done with him yet.  Meeting once again on the other side of the Darkness, He asks, “Peter, do you all-giving-unconditionally-unselfishing-love me?  And Peter answers, “Lord, you know I have friendly-affection for You.”  This was enough for our seven-times-seventy Lord Jesus.  

Peter, feed my sheep.  

Christy, feed my sheep.

It’s not about words.  It’s about fruit.  The fruit of the Holy Spirit let loose in a broken heart.  

In this light, Paul’s letter to the Romans is all about life and peace. 

Now we are released from the law, having died to that which held us captive, so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit and not in the old way of the written code.

For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.

Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.

Those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

Spirit of the living God, fall afresh on me.

Melt me, mold me, fill me, use me.

Wipe the sleep out of my eyes.