Consider the seagulls sailing overhead, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns.

Hagia Sophia, holy wisdom

Every achievement rots away and perishes, and with it goes its author. Happy the man who meditates on wisdom, and reasons with good sense, who studies her ways in his heart, and ponders her secrets. He pursues her like a hunter, and lies in wait by her path; he peeps in at her windows, and listens at her doors; he lodges close to her house, and fixes his peg in her walls; he pitches his tent at her side, and lodges in an excellent lodging; he set his children in her shade, and camps beneath her branches; he is sheltered by her from the heat, and in her glory he makes his home. Whoever fears the Lord will act like this, and whoever grasps the Law will obtain wisdom. She will come to meet him like a mother, and receive him like a virgin bride. She will give him the bread of understanding to eat, and the water of wisdom to drink. He will lean on her and will not fall, he will rely on her and be not put to shame. He will find happiness and a crown of joy; he will inherit an everlasting name. Fools will not gain possession of her, nor will sinners set eyes on her. She stands remote from pride, and liars cannot call her to mind. Praise is unseemly in a sinner’s mouth, since it has not been put there by the Lord. For praise should only be uttered in wisdom, and the Lord himself then prompts it. Ecclesiastics 14:20–15:10

Knowing its full worth and purpose, we can no longer fear adversity, we have found prosperity where there was poverty, peace and joy have sprung out of the very midst of chaos. –Bill Wilson

The thing about ancient cities is that they force the question of time and purpose. In a way unlike mountain streams crashing through verdant forests do not. 

I dragged poor Mary Anne up more stairs that one can imagine yesterday. Stairs that were beautifully crafted hundreds, even thousands of years ago.

And I reflect on the nature of stuff. Of achievements. Of vast civilizations.  Of sweeping skyscrapers with pulsing light murals scratching a pale blue sky. Or the small child curled up against the wall, with a small crumpled cup holding a few coins. Or the golden ochre and ruby red spices and teas heaped high. The Spice Route. The Silk Road. And the Bosphorus down below rippling a line of division and unity at the same glittering moment. For three thousand years.

Or the long pilgrimage in the same direction of a single mere soul.

What has happened in my life of everlastingness in the two years since I last stood on this spot and considered? Since I turned the shot of me in the Blue Mosque into my background page and I look at it again and again every day and sometimes I wonder.

 Clicking through my journal from two years ago, so many moments and so miles ago I asked same question about pursuing wisdom. Still. Yet. Again.

Again and again. And I am afraid that I sometimes echo old world-weary Pontius Pilate, “What is truth?” Five times a day a plaintive cry calls out to remind us to pursue her.

But where is she to be found?

Bill Wilson answers that it is through suffering that we find enough humility to enter the portals of that New World. How privileged we are to understand so well the divine paradox that strength rises from weakness, that humiliation goes before resurrection; that pain is not only the price but the very touchstone of spiritual rebirth.

May I not grow weary. May I shake this hopelessness, and grasp the Law and obtain wisdom. And wear the crown of joy.

He did not come like a rushing mighty wind. But gradually the Person of the Holy Ghost filled all our thoughts, His Presence filled all the place, and His light seemed to penetrate all the hidden recesses of our hearts. -Rees Howells

Praise the LORD from the earth, you sea-monsters and all deeps; Fire and hail, snow and fog, tempestuous wind, doing his will; Mountains and all hills, fruit trees and all cedars; Wild beasts and all cattle, creeping things and winged birds; Kings of the earth and all peoples, princes and all rulers of the world; Young men and maidens, old and young together. Let them praise the Name of the LORD, for His Name only is exalted, His splendor is over earth and heaven. Psalm 148:6–13

Perspective.

These have been quiet days. The gunk which is sweeping Tucson laid me flat on my back for five days and counting. Lots and lots of quiet. Well, except for the hacking cough. And it has been one of those gripping headache sicknesses where I have felt too lousy to even read; just a page or two and then quiet. Quiet under the February blueness and surrounded by Alan’s peonies. And Pippen is always snuggled somewhere in the midst of the Hosterman knit blanket.

Praying through Rees Howell battling the Nazis long hour after long hour, front after front, faithful and unrelenting. The battle is not against flesh and blood but principalities and against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world. What does it mean to be an intercessor, one who stands in the gap.

Reading Passage to India that captures all peoples so clearly.

Perspective.

And it has been a Lenten time of repentance. Confessing ingratitude. Expectations. Resentment. Accusation. Tools of the Evil One straight from the first temptation in the Garden which smashed the joyous unity with Him.  Allowing His loving claws to rake down deeply through the dragon skin that surrounds my heart.

In the light of His purity, it was not so much sin we saw as self. We saw pride and self-motives underlying everything we had ever done. -Rees Howells, Intercessor

And now it has been eight days and counting. Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you, O LORD, I lift up my soul.

And this has been my prayer for myself on Saturday, every Saturday, for years upon years: LORD please make me ever aware of Your Spirit, moment-by-moment wisdom, quicken my spirit to immediate, full-of-faith obedience.  Cause me to be thankful…this obedience results in a joy that brings glory to you.  

And I slip up so often on this moment-by-moment wisdom.

Quicken my spirit to immediate, full-of-faith obedience.

And for me, wisdom usually equals silence.

And obedience usually means silence.

Usually. Intercessor. Allowing the Spirit to groan deeply within.

And to stand back. And let Him do His thing.

But He showed us, 'There is all the difference in the world between your surrendered life in my hands, and I living My life in your body.' We read the Acts afresh, and found we were reading, not the acts of the apostles, but the acts of the Holy Ghost. -Rees Howells, Intecessor

So I read Acts as well. Afresh.

And sometimes obedience is not silence, but a bold leap into words. Sometimes. Just this week, I felt the familiar tug: God longs to demonstrate His great love and power by removing that tumor… and the next day I received this email:

I just want to share this:

I went to get the magnetic resonance yesterday. The radiologist (if that is how you say it in English, haha) looked at the X-rays and the results from the other tests. He asked me a set of questions. Then, they put me in the capsule for about 40 minutes. They took me out and he said he was confused because he did not see anything, he even asked me about the X-rays, he asked me if those were recent, and I told him they were from this week. So, although he seemed to be confused, he told me he was going to run another resonance so they put my body half way into the capsule and ran another test for about 30 minutes. In the end, he told me he cannot explain himself because what is reflected in the X-rays did not show up in the images in the magnetic resonance. Inside my head, I kept thinking, he cannot explain it but I can, I know God has his ways. 

Praise the LORD from the earth, you sea-monsters and all deeps; Fire and hail, snow and fog, tempestuous wind, doing his will; Mountains and all hills, fruit trees and all cedars; Wild beasts and all cattle, creeping things and winged birds; Kings of the earth and all peoples, princes and all rulers of the world; Young men and maidens, old and young together. Let them praise the Name of the LORD, for His Name only is exalted, His splendor is over earth and heaven. 

And somehow all of this craziness and pain and beauty and delight and heartbreak and sea-monsters and fire and tempestuous wind is to His exaltation. King of the earth and all peoples. Praise the LORD.

And today’s Joy Dare was for the ugly-beautiful gifts, for example this ugly cough and the beautiful silence. His gift.

Silence.

Words.

And His wisdom to know the difference.

May His face shine upon you.

The Refrain for the Morning Lessons

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my Strength and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14 So the Joy Dare was about giving thanks for what was in my heart. And one thing in my heart is my lists of fixed prayer people. And while I would love to say that they are the continual meditation of my heart, I cannot. But when they are the meditation of my heart, it is an acceptable gift in His sight. And today I gave thanks for Seth and Karen Barnes, marveling whom they have become over the years since those steamy hot young years when we all worked in the Dominican Republic. And they visited us in the refugee camp when I Nicole had the measles which somehow slid into pneumonia and somewhere in there was the dehydration room. That was a rough spring. But certainly Seth and Karen have embraced their calling to follow him on The Grand Adventure. And it is indeed a great joy to be race around the world with them in my prayers. And the Adams. I remember them back when they were doing their residencies. And we saw each of them more than they saw each other. And when I brought Nicole back to the States, I took her to Mary at University Medical Center cause she was pretty much a two-year-old mess. And Mary called her supervisor, who called his supervisor, all the way to the top, and he made an announcement over the loudspeaker for all residents to come see something that they would never see again…four skin diseases layered one on top of the other.  And I will never forget all of those gowned bodies pressed into one small room looking at a rather shy Little Nicole. Rod over at infectious diseases always promised that if we brought him up a new and exciting giardia strain, he would name it after us. And now the Adams walked away, truly have given up house and brothers and sisters and children and property, for His sake and for the Good News; for the joy set before them, they picked up their cross and followed Him to northern Kenya where Rod teaches at the Aga Khan University Hospital and Mary coordinates community health projects for mothers and children. And I get to join them before the throne of Grace every single Wednesday morning. And my brother and his family in New Hampshire. And the Voelkels in Vermont. And some boys whose momma asked me to add them to my list. And a student from Wildcat who asked me to pray for him. And Kevin and Elaheh. And a list of Nicole’s friends from college, as well as the brother who visited us that Christmas, And each of my students and each of the Imago Dei staff. Pause over each one, each one who is in my heart. And all of the beloved people who have joined my heart family over the years: Cameron, Fernanda and Wilson, Charly, Markus, Chaska and Tika, Kate, Ira, Ray, Carla, Marco, Mateo, Ali, Wali, Igor, Fredric, Shaun, Giovanni, John, Manuel, Daniel. And Alan. Nicole, Heather, Dustin, Andrea. May each of these be my acceptable meditation today. And may I rest today in this place, kneeling before my Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. That according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend what is the breadth and length and height and depth,  and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. How can I but not be filled with mercy and peace as I kneel before God our Maker? And may the words of mouth come from this treasure of my heart. Unlike a flame set on fire by hell itself. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.  And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. My Strength and my Redeemer.