Affectionately.

O Lord, how many and varied are Your works!
In wisdom You have made them all;
The earth is full of Your riches and Your creatures. Psalm 104:24

Last night as Uncle Jim and I waited in Room 766 at Tucson Medical Center for him to be wheeled off to pre-op and hip surgery we watched a couple of nature shows. Jim has spent a lot of time watching nature shows these past few years, those and old Westerns full of John Wayne types.

And even though he was struggling a bit with his vision, he said he could see the bright green chameleons and the sort-of-snuggly orangutans and the teeny tiny baby crabs.

I pretty much think that I too struggle with my vision most of the time as well, in that I am not overwhelmed with awe with every breath. My morning prayers try to shove me in the right direction, with a slightly varied daily meditation on Presence:

I reflect for a moment on God's presence around me and in me.
Creator of the universe, the sun and the moon, the earth,
every molecule, every atom, everything that is:
God is in every beat of my heart. God is with me, now.

But somehow it is only a moment. Even though every morning I dutifully add to my gratitude list, determinedly working my way to 10,000, even more.

Not a fall-on-the-face wonder.

Last night I hung out with some old friends, and one of them, Becky Glad talked about how six weeks on El Camino impacted her life… six weeks in His breathtaking beauty with no distractions, bathed in awe.

And as much as I would love to use that conversation as an excuse to drop everything and pilgrim, I know that is not the solution.

His Presence is here, even now.

Here in my still little home with the fluttering fire and the distant train whistle just as the sky is starting to brighten, reading and rereading Psalm 104.

Here kneeling next to Jim who was actually pretty perky even though he had lots of tubes stuck in him and a quite brusk nurse.

Here with the oddly gathered group nibbling Trader Joe salsa and olives planning how we can be of comfort to the detained.

Here as I try not to rush through the day with my cluttered and discouraged thoughts but to pause, breathe, and declare:

Bless and affectionately praise the Lord, O my soul.
Praise the Lord! (Hallelujah!)

Huh. Affectionately. The Amplified Bible’s take on our vision.

So be it.

Best not to throw rocks

And the voice came to him again a second time, What God has cleansed and pronounced clean, do not you defile and profane by regarding and calling common and unhallowed or unclean. Acts 10:15

Peter was earnestly revolving the vision in his mind and meditating on it. Acts 10:19

Cornelius, a centurion who is just and upright and in right standing with God, being God-fearing and obedient... Acts 10:22

And Peter opened his mouth and said: Most certainly and thoroughly I now perceive and understand that God shows no partiality and is no respecter of persons, but in every nation he who venerates and has a reverential fear for God, treating Him with worshipful obedience and living uprightly, is acceptable to Him and sure of being received and welcomed by Him. You know the contents of the message which He sent to Israel, announcing the good news of peace by Jesus Christ, Who is Lord of all—Acts 10:34-36

To Him all the prophets testify that everyone who believes in Him [who adheres to, trusts in, and relies on Him, giving himself up to Him] receives forgiveness of sins through His name. Acts 10:43

I am spending a lot of time these days revolving visions and verses in my mind and meditating on them. This is a period of paradigm shifts just as Peter underwent. Just a few days earlier, Peter, full of boldness and the Holy Spirit, testified that Jesus had come to save the Israelites only. And maybe the Samaritans. This total lack of understanding was after spending three years under Jesus' teaching and ministry, and listening to statements such as, "And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” This is a clear example that every one of us, even Peter the Rock, see but as through a glass darkly.

I was having a restless night last night, so I decided to I read 1 Peter through Jude, in one fell swoop, to try and get a general sweep of these small letters rather than always landing on a few familiar and beloved verses.  Quite honestly, they didn't seem to fit together so smoothly. And reading commentaries only muddied the water. All of these perfectly sincere and reasonable and apparently godly people who revered the Scriptures were saying pretty much the opposite things as they worked their way through the Greek and Hebrew and historical contexts. It was all pretty discouraging.

Except when they got to John. He made darn sure that the would be no confusion because he said what was important over and over again. We love because He first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen? And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

Thus we are not to judge lest we be judged; to show the same mercy that we have received; to strive for unity, and as far as I am able to be at peace with all men. And above all, to love one another. We are but clay vessels and don't do so well with rocks flying about especially because our vision is not yet clear.

But in this will I choose to trust:  Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see Him as He is.

I thank God I'm free at last
Me and my Jesus going to meet and talk
I thank God I'm free at last