Showing posts with label presence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label presence. Show all posts

Thursday, February 20, 2020

Affectionately.


Lord, how many and varied are Your works!
In wisdom You have made them all;
The earth is full of Your riches and Your creatures. Psalm 104:24

Last night as Uncle Jim and I waited in Room 766 at Tucson Medical Center for him to be wheeled off to pre-op and hip surgery we watched a couple of nature shows. Jim has spent a lot of time watching nature shows these past few years, those and old Westerns full of John Wayne types.

And even though he was struggling a bit with his vision, he said he could see the bright green chameleons and the sort-of-snuggly orangutans and the teeny tiny baby crabs.

I pretty much think that I too struggle with my vision most of the time as well, in that I am not overwhelmed with awe with every breath. My morning prayers try to shove me in the right direction, with a slightly varied daily meditation on Presence:
I reflect for a moment on God's presence around me and in me.
Creator of the universe, the sun and the moon, the earth,
every molecule, every atom, everything that is:
God is in every beat of my heart. God is with me, now.

But somehow it is only a moment. Even though every morning I dutifully add to my gratitude list, determinedly working my way to 10,000, even more.

Not a fall-on-the-face wonder.

Last night I hung out with some old friends, and one of them, Becky Glad talked about how six weeks on El Camino impacted her life… six weeks in His breathtaking beauty with no distractions, bathed in awe.

And as much as I would love to use that conversation as an excuse to drop everything and pilgrim, I know that is not the solution.

His Presence is here, even now.

Here in my still little home with the fluttering fire and the distant train whistle just as the sky is starting to brighten, reading and rereading Psalm 104.

Here kneeling next to Jim who was actually pretty perky even though he had lots of tubes stuck in him and a quite brusk nurse.

Here with the oddly gathered group nibbling Trader Joe salsa and olives planning how we can be of comfort to the detained.

Here as I try not to rush through the day with my cluttered and discouraged thoughts but to pause, breathe, and declare:
Bless and affectionately praise the Lord, O my soul.
Praise the Lord! (Hallelujah!)

Huh. Affectionately. The Amplified Bible’s take on our vision.

So be it.

Wednesday, December 11, 2019

Confess


Confess

And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here I am! Send me.” Isaiah 6:8

Jesus said, “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
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I want Jesus to walk with me.*

Ah prepositions.
How many times have I explained that prepositions show relationship between two nouns?

And one of the gifts, one of the presents of advent is a shift in prepositions, from “for Us” to “with Us.”

Presence.

And I confess, that although my hand shoots straight up vertical just like my Bonillas Learn Like a Champion kiddos when asked a question, I really have no clue of the answer.
And that I too have a short attention span.
And I scurry.
And blurt.
And fret.
And look elsewhere.
Or away.

Dear LORD Jesus, may I not look away.
I want to walk with You.
And You walk with me.

A yoke is shared. With.

I want Jesus to walk with me.


Wednesday, May 17, 2017

And on Sunday, Heather reminded us all that He makes beautiful things out of dust.

Among the gods there is none like You, O Lord;
Nor are there any works like Your works.
All nations whom You have made
Shall come and worship before You, O Lord,
And shall glorify Your name.
For You are great, and do wondrous things;
You alone are God.  Psalm 86:8-10

As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience. Luke 8:15


One other thing stirs me when I look back at my youthful days, viz the fact that so many people gave me something or were something to me without knowing it. Much that I should otherwise not have felt so clearly or done so effectively was felt or one as it was, because I stand, as it were, under the sway of these people. Hence I always think that we all live, spiritually, but what others have given us in the significant hours of our life. These significant hours do not announce themselves as coming, but arrive unexpectedly. Nor do they make a great show of themselves; they pass almost unperceived. Often, indeed, their significance comes home to us first as we look back, just as the beauty of a piece of music or of a landscape often strikes us first in our recollection of it. –Albert Schweitzer

Today we pray for the courage to dig ourselves deep, to hold fast, so that Your word my take root in us and bring forth fruit.

The ends of many seasons are piled pell-mell higher and higher, overflowing cardboard box after heaped up cardboard box. And stacks of furs and leathers and paints and feathers are neatly arranged on three of those Calvary Missionary Press tables up against the wall as Nicole digs deep into crafting twenty-five, more or less, viking-native-apocalyptic-greekgods sorts of costumes.  And last night, Heather and Dustin received word that the sale of their house went through which is a good thing because they are flying out of LA for Barcelona on June 4 but there are a few boxes between then and now and a lot of saying gut-wrenching goodbyes. And the letter in the morning from a lawyer underscoring my need to move some other boxes and the word NOW was typed in all caps. And sixteen of us gathered in Momma’s new place for its first family dinner amid even more cardboard boxes and stacks of unhung pictures although she and Jenny and Alene and Scott have done a masterful job of creating home and beauty in pretty short order.

My little plastic IN boxes are crammed stuffed with not only multi-genre research papers and final drafts of business formatted letters to a politician of their choice and design proposals for constructing a theoretical guest house on a secluded hill hidden in Saguaro National Forest east and journals detailing twenty-one days of reducing energy consumption, but there are textbooks to count, laptops to scrape clean, and btw I just found out that I am responsible for putting together the entire middle school section of the yearbook before I leave for graduation.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.

Another thing on my plate is creating an “award” for each of my students to be read aloud at graduation in a week. So my thoughts ramble about, mulling over specific and detailed affirmation points in the midst of Please sit down in your chair and Please spit out your gum into the trashcan and Please remember to retake your genetics quiz. Oh yeah, and I have a goodbye speech for graduation to at least think about. Gotta do that too.

And today after the flag-raising ceremony and shouting Happy Birthday to this week’s celebrants, I am packing eighth grade onto a city bus and heading off for a (long) day of bumper boats and laser-tag. Except for that rather long list of kiddos who are going to spend today in the library with the rather long lists I generated of missing work.
And especially now I am so very aware of Schweitzer’s observed truth. You just never know. Yesterday there was a little orange note in my staff mailbox to Dear Mrs. Voelkel you will never know the impact you have had on my life slid between the permission note forms and a reminder that the server is going to be down for a few hours.

And yesterday afternoon there was a request that pulled me away from my google.classroom docs. I needed to make a phone call in Spanish to a high schooler’s mother about an essay she wrote in class that day, an essay about wanting to sneak into her dad’s closet and use his handgun to splatter all of her problems to bits. And the older sister was an addict that got thrown out of the house and lived on the streets until she got tossed into jail. And this youngest of four sisters, this babecita, is all that the parents have left. And in all their thirty-four years of marriage they never fought in front of the kids but always went into another room. It was a long phone call.

This morning I woke up way early. Way too early. I thought about Jesus waking up to pray while it was still dark.  I wondered if His prayers went upward, sparks rising up towards the starry sky marveling in worship or outward, casting a thoughtful eye into the oh-so-many-conversations of the day, for He cares for us. Or inward. Settling into Presence.

Holy Spirit, You are welcome here
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere
Your glory, God, is what our hearts long for
To be overcome by Your presence LORD

Breathe in.
Breathe out.


Wednesday, February 3, 2016

And I remember that vision on the church wall in Mexico, of me filling cup after cup and handing them one at a time to children in such a long line that it reached out the door. But I didn't know they would first spit in the cup and then throw it back in my face.

O LORD, I am not proud; I have no haughty looks. I do not occupy myself with great matters, or with things that are too hard for me. But I still my soul and make it quiet, like a child upon its mother’s breast; my soul is quieted within me. Psalm 131:1–3

Lord God, almighty and everlasting Father, You have brought me in safety to this new day: Preserve me with Your mighty power, that I may not fall into sin, nor be overcome by adversity; and in all I do direct me to the fulfilling of Your purpose; through Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen.

And really, all I have to do is make it through one more day. That’s it. And today is going to suck me into its veritable hurricane of spinning dust and rocks and twigs and busted bits and may I be in His stillness.

A child at rest on her mother’s breast.

And Everette always reaches up and holds an earlobe. Or fondles the wrinkly elbow skin. And is comforted by presence.

May my soul be quieted.

It’s not about me.

Soft is stronger than hard. Water is stronger than a rock.


Release.