Affectionately.

O Lord, how many and varied are Your works!
In wisdom You have made them all;
The earth is full of Your riches and Your creatures. Psalm 104:24

Last night as Uncle Jim and I waited in Room 766 at Tucson Medical Center for him to be wheeled off to pre-op and hip surgery we watched a couple of nature shows. Jim has spent a lot of time watching nature shows these past few years, those and old Westerns full of John Wayne types.

And even though he was struggling a bit with his vision, he said he could see the bright green chameleons and the sort-of-snuggly orangutans and the teeny tiny baby crabs.

I pretty much think that I too struggle with my vision most of the time as well, in that I am not overwhelmed with awe with every breath. My morning prayers try to shove me in the right direction, with a slightly varied daily meditation on Presence:

I reflect for a moment on God's presence around me and in me.
Creator of the universe, the sun and the moon, the earth,
every molecule, every atom, everything that is:
God is in every beat of my heart. God is with me, now.

But somehow it is only a moment. Even though every morning I dutifully add to my gratitude list, determinedly working my way to 10,000, even more.

Not a fall-on-the-face wonder.

Last night I hung out with some old friends, and one of them, Becky Glad talked about how six weeks on El Camino impacted her life… six weeks in His breathtaking beauty with no distractions, bathed in awe.

And as much as I would love to use that conversation as an excuse to drop everything and pilgrim, I know that is not the solution.

His Presence is here, even now.

Here in my still little home with the fluttering fire and the distant train whistle just as the sky is starting to brighten, reading and rereading Psalm 104.

Here kneeling next to Jim who was actually pretty perky even though he had lots of tubes stuck in him and a quite brusk nurse.

Here with the oddly gathered group nibbling Trader Joe salsa and olives planning how we can be of comfort to the detained.

Here as I try not to rush through the day with my cluttered and discouraged thoughts but to pause, breathe, and declare:

Bless and affectionately praise the Lord, O my soul.
Praise the Lord! (Hallelujah!)

Huh. Affectionately. The Amplified Bible’s take on our vision.

So be it.

Yep, I am reading Exodus again.

Bless the Lord, O my soul!
    O Lord my God, you are very great!
You are clothed with splendor and majesty, covering yourself with light as with a garment.

You cause the grass to grow for the livestock
    and plants for man to cultivate, that he may bring forth food from the earth and wine to gladden the heart of man, oil to make his face shine and bread to strengthen man's heart. Psalm 104

And they ate and were satisfied. And they took up the broken pieces left over, seven baskets full. Mark 8:8

And one more time I sit snuggled in a woven blanket, at rest, watching the morning light fill the earth, shifting the shades and shape and clarity of each thing that it touches.

Dear LORD may I see Your light in the world today, at rest in the awareness, and give You glory and honor, praise and adoration.

Beautiful Savior! Lord of all the nations
Son of God and Son of Man
Glory and honor, praise, adoration
Now and forevermore be thine

Fairest Lord Jesus, ruler of all
Fairest Lord Jesus, ruler of all

You satisfy.

With full baskets left over.

And yesterday I was pretty much clinging to yesterday’s promise of taking courage, all those who wait in the LORD, and there were a bunch of way hungry and very overwhelmed moments, but He walked before me and around me and beside me step by step, and I was strong in His strength. And the kindness of His people.

And as I typed them out, literally dozens of moments of grace crammed into one single day, may I remember my full belly longer than those children of Israel. My belly full of Time Market bread and Dre's tortilla soup. 

Yep, I am reading Exodus again. On this long journey forward into His promises.

Glory and honor, praise, adoration
Now and forevermore be thine.

"But, like all happiness, it did not last long..." -- Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

O give thanks unto the Lord; call upon His name: make known His deeds among the people.

Sing unto Him, sing psalms unto Him: talk ye of all His wondrous works.

Glory ye in His holy name: let the heart of them rejoice that seek the Lord. 

Seek the Lord, and His strength: seek His face evermore.  Psalm 105:1-4

So sometimes, not all of the time, but sometimes it is possible for me to get discouraged.  The “When LORDs?” start to stack up in my mind and topple. He is not a Coke machine that produces our requested icy can with a push of a button with only an occasional jiggle or shake.  I do my thing, put in the required coins and offerings, and rattle boom, my very reasonable-in-my-mind requests are granted. Nope.  Not happening.

Psalm 105 goes on to list His deeds amongst His chosen people, beginning with the calling out of Abraham and His oath of an inheritance, even when they were very few in number...actually old Abraham was just himself without the progeny, no fruit of his loins.  And Jacob working his seven years plus seven.  Then Joseph whose feet were hurt with fetters until that time when he should be made ruler of all his substance and teach his senators wisdom.  And Moses and Aaron and their water into blood and abundant frogs and divers sorts of flies and lice and flaming fires and who could see His grace in all that, but it is all about grace, for He brings forth His people with joy, and His chosen with gladness.

And I am not the only one who marvels at the hard heartedness of the people of Israel who ask, and He brings quails, and satisfies them with the bread of heaven. He opens the rock, and the waters gush out; they run in the dry places like a river, and then somehow those people forget all of this by the flip of the next page. And what’s with that?  

 Not even twenty-four hours have passed since recounting the delightful celebration of joy under the twinkle lights, the electronic page has not even flipped yet, and I am asking, “How long?” with a leeks-and-onions grumble in my voice. And what’s with that?  

I have my own tales of abundant frogs and divers sorts of flies and flaming fires and I am told to make known His deeds, to chronicle them and not keep silent.  And to glory in His name and rejoice.

1. For a community group with hard questions, transparent answers and great snacks under the spring sky.
2. For water which if I even pay attention is for an instant is an inexplicable marvel of creation yet is accessible at the turn of a handle. 
3. For the simple elegance of an old moon hanging in the early morning dark blue. 
4. For Jincheng’s broad smile as he tries to follow my how-to-live-better instructions.  
5. For sweet early morning chit chat emails from my so-very-dear sister
6. That I will never see olive oil and hard cheeses the same after Giovanni.
7. For the chirping birds doing somersaults through the greenhouse window 
8. That even though it is a long journey through a barren land, there are some young souls who are choosing to remember the moments of gushing water.  
9. For the haunting passion of Ryan Coykendall when he leads worship; who woulda thunk?
10. That now when I drive up and down Speedway every morning and every night I can plot attacks of engagement.  How can I effectively communicate the urgency of each day?

So this all means, His ways are not my ways.  His ways are not my selected soda can.  But they are indeed wondrous works. And he brought forth His people with joy, and His chosen with gladness.

It seems like everywhere I go The more I see The less I know

 Bless the Lord, O my soul. O Lord my God, thou art very great; thou art clothed with honour and majesty.

He causeth the grass to grow for the cattle, and herb for the service of man: that He may bring forth food out of the earth;

And wine that maketh glad the heart of man, and oil to make his face to shine, and bread which strengtheneth man's heart.

That thou givest them they gather: Thou openest thine hand, they are filled with good.

So dinner on Friday night with a few friends spun out into a full-bore event with flapping tissue flags, candled branches, a kiddie coloring table under sweeping tapestries and an invitation posted on Facebook.  And how very sweet it was.  

We kept squishing in just more around the curving table until at last a reinforcement table and chairs had to be brought in from next door, but it was just fine.  We really didn’t need a fire in the mirror-crusted fireplace on such a balmy night, but who could resist its crackle and spark? And as the handheld circle of thankfulness finished, Alan of course did an official welcome and introduced the dinnertime discussion question: What do you value best about yourself, of yourself? (crossing out the easy answers of “friends & family & Jesus”).

And after we could eat no more and the water pitchers and bowls of beans and rice and salsa and tortillas and ropa vieja and more French fries than you could imagine had been passed around and around with bottles and bowls of ketchup, we encircled the stage in chairs and mostly blankets on the ground, and reflected on bringing this best to the table of the Lord All-Powerful, because "from the east to the west I will be honored among the nations.” And after communion with fresh-after-five Safeway loaves and a jug of Gallo wine or for those who prefer, Welch’s grape juice, the beat went on.  Between Cameron’s “Here is the church, here is the steeple, we are all God’s chosen people” to Giovanni’s “Say hey I love you,” everything beautiful and soaring billowed out to the night sky. How could every single person at the Upper Room be an amazing musician but it’s true. Percussion instruments were distributed all around while conversations of poetry and dance nestled under the twinkly lemon trees, and yet another table of chocolate cheesecakes with whipped cream and raspberries and shaved chocolate and cookies and sweet breads was set up in the cleared space under the arch, and I will sing unto the Lord as long as I live: I will sing praise to my God while I have my being.

My meditation of Him shall be sweet: I will be glad in the Lord. Psalm 104