The Little Hamster Wheel of my Mind

The sacrifice of God is a troubled spirit; and a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. Psalm 51: 18

This is one time in Scripture that is all about me.  Often we are admonished to stop thinking about ourselves and our plans and our felt needs, and to look to serving one another.  To not be self-centric.

But this sacrifice is all about me.  The troubled spirit is troubled by my wrongdoings.  My misplaced words.  My judgmental spirit.  My lack of faith.  My lack of mercy.  My laziness.

Often I start off these reflective moments with good intentions.  But how quickly I often leap to defending my actions and emotions, and suddenly, this time of confession turns into a litany of how I have been wronged, misunderstood and treated unjustly.  My thoughts hop onto the little hamster wheel of my mind, and around and around they go, faster and faster with what exactly is wrong with everyone else.  And especially with God who allows all of this unfairness to occur in the first place.

I am pretty certain that this is not a proper sacrifice to God. 

Let me call with my whole heart.  Releasing fully the wrongs, real or merely perceived, done to me, totally releasing, that the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart may be acceptable in His sight, O LORD, my strength and my redeemer.

Forgive me my trespasses in exactly the same way I forgive the trespasses of others.

It is only with His strength that I can wrench our thoughts off the hamster wheel and with clarity and truth acknowledge my own brokenness.  And from this place of repentance I can build restored and healthy relationships with my brother.  With no walls of rubble between us.  Love keeps no record of wrongs.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Dear LORD, I confess to my brokenness: to the ways I wound my life, the lives of others and the life of the world.

May God forgive me, Christ renew me, and the spirit enable me to grow in love.

Spirit of the Living God, fall afresh on me;

Melt me, mold me, fill me, use me.

Spirit of the Living God, fall afresh on me.

And the fruit of the Spirit is love.