Rattling the Door

For one day in your courts is better than a thousand in my own room, and to stand at the threshold of the house of my God than to dwell in the tents of the wicked.  Psalm 84:9

At first glance, “my own room” sounds pretty comfortable.  My things just where I want them, close at hand.  A nice fluffy bed. Pictures that remind me of good moments and beloved people.  Everything nice and tidy.  But then, try rattling the door. 

Stuck in my own room is actually pretty dreadful.  My own thoughts going around and around, like a tired rat on a wheel. Each cycle a little bit stronger and a little worse.  With very little effort, I can take any conversation, any look, any happenstance event and turn it into a horror show, all revolving around me, sprinkled with fear, doubt and hopelessness. 

And then I am stuck with me.  My prejudices.  My restless inattention.  My failures.  Imagine not be able to get out for fresh air billowing newness from afar.  And perspective- stepping back for the big picture and truthful context.  And the abject loneliness of running one’s own show, on one’s own strength.  And without His truth to be a steady light on my path. 

A thousand days would pretty much be hell. 

Therefore, LORD it is with great joy that I enter your presence.  Today I lay it all down at your feet, a bedraggled heap of rags, and free and clear, I worship you.  May Your presence and glory tumble down around me as I stand at the threshold and glimpse Your wonder. 

Send out your light and your truth, that they may lead me, and bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling; That I may go to the altar of God, to the God of my joy and gladness; and on the harp I will give thanks to you, O God my God.  Psalm 43: 3-4