Mercy

But you, O LORD my God, Oh, deal with me according to your Name for your tender mercy’s sake, deliver me. For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me.  Psalm 46:11

Sometimes, perhaps all of the time, there are deep wounds hidden within.  Beyond just being sore or aching spots that whimper when pressed or when weariness overwhelms, there are also raw, open wounds, bleeding wounds, that affect everything we do or feel.  We see the world from this wounded state. 

What we see and hear when we interact with others, both close intimate friends and the-man-on-the-street.  We are too distracted by ourselves.  We cannot love.  These wounds shade what we see when we look in the mirror.  Who we are and what is our value.  We cannot accept His love.  And most of all, these undressed wounds affect how we see our LORD.  Is He really trustworthy?  Does He really have our best interest at heart?  Is He able?  And most of all, we question His love.  What is love? 

The promises and declarations of His compassion and mercy and of His great kindness fall on deaf ears.  We are too preoccupied with our pain. 

Thus before we bring our praise offerings and our petitions to Him, we must leave our gift in front of the alter, and allow Him to bring reconciliation.  To pour His oil of healing.  To release the putrid fears and rottenness. When Jesus saw him lying there, knowing that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, "Do you wish to get well?"

Yes, dear LORD.  I release this brokenness.  This wall behind which I have grown accustomed.  The patterns and routines which keep me from all that You have for me, the familiar pain which reminds me that I am alive.

I confess this… is it pride?  This faux-courage to do it on my own.  I repent from hidden judgments and lies I have told myself about the past and the lack of mercy that has kept me from receiving Your mercy. I will wait. I will wrestle until you hear my cry.

I waited patiently upon the LORD; he stooped to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the desolate pit, out of the mire and the clay; He set my feet upon a high cliff and made my footing sure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; many shall see, and stand in awe. And put their trust in the LORD.

Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.”